No relationship is perfect, true. But that does not mean you are required to settle. Similarly, it doesn’t mean you end a relationship once you encounter a glimpse of something you have a low tolerance for.
A relationship is a practice, like a kind of martial arts. Each day presents its challenges that should be viewed with humor and fun. To hack this perspective, when you’re in the heat of an argument, remind yourself that the person arguing with you is an act of commitment. They could choose to break up with you instead of bickering.
These challenges, like all, are opportunities. Seemingly, many people today don’t get to this phase because of 21st-century pressures equipped with dating. Do I post you? If I don’t, how do you take it? Did I post you too late? Did someone leave a foul comment? Does my ‘swiping’ for a date consent to sex? Will you judge me for us meeting on this app? Are you with me for social media?
Relationships and dating as a practice have been commoditized and with that commoditization, a loss of value has entered the psyche of those single. As a result, conversations of substance have been hard to keep at the forefront of this once sacred, now transactional, and algorithmic experience.
I know many people who discover pivotal details about their partner years too late. For example, how their parenting methods clash once the child is present. Some have even never discussed where they’d like to live long term. Many conversations in relationships have become conversations focused on timelines or the superficialities of life.
We can avoid this by being intentional and patient. For myself, I’ve found on average it takes 6 -12 months to have a good understanding of someone and another year to verify if what I’ve learned is acting or valid. I always believe everything told, but most people can only keep up a false persona for so long and their true tendencies eventually show in that span.
The kind of relationship one has with their parents is one of the most important foretellers I’ve used to assess a potential partner. Other things I like to discover are hobbies, favorite books music, and movies to name a few. You can assume a great deal of traits from someone exchanging these topics.
In closing, don’t allow social media or online persona to kill the discovery process for you. Even if you see the person online assume you know nothing about this person. We have become lazy at getting to know people today. We even label everyone for simplicity dehumanizing their full capacity.
If you’re in a relationship, understand it’s work to keep it energetic and full of vigor. Don’t take your foot off the gas. With the internet, it’s easy to lose appreciation for what we have. Implement boundaries and add in fun and believe your best days are ahead of you. I can say for myself, every single year of my relationship gets better. But it also gets harder!
Here’s to those who believe in love and the fact it can change the world we live in.
Relationship practices:
Meditating together
Talk, talk, and talk some more
Have offline and online boundaries
Prioritize privacy
Occasionally fast together – practicing discipline together goes a long way
Games
Picnics, walks, audiobooks
Hugs, walks, coffee, tea, intentional attentive moments
Ignore societal traditions/ pressures
Begin new hobbies
Have a cut-off time for all electronic devices
For more information- https://youtu.be/F-oMQDv-qfs?si=OUlOKEgjQ76CEZ9Q
